Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
