i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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