the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was CRYING into my vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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