he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
