I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
