Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
