remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
