My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
