Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
