we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
