my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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