I think I died a long time ago.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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