i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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