I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
