literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
