I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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