What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
