operation harelip BJ is a go
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't watch enough power rangers
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
