Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
