cat food counts as protein by the way
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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