So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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