I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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