hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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