I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
