Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
