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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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