Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
