Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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