so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
