Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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