my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
