I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
