I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
