Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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