The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
