I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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