I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
