I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
