Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
