A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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