We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
