Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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