I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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