I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
whose parrot is this?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
