Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
