Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
