dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pop tarts are not kleenex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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