So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
