we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
