the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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