Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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