Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My Sexting was not on an AP level
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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