u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
