I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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