If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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