I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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