I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
