I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
