I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
