So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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