Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
