I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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