Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
