she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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