Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.