3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask