Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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(214): View more from Texas

The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.

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(972): View more from Texas

I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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(512): View more from Texas

That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you

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(518): View more from New York

I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.

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