After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
