You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly