did you get engaged???
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten