If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dating After Heartbreak
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now