i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Semen is not good for contacts.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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