She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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