dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
