You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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