dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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