I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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