well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
