its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
