he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
