So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
